In a utopian universe like the one crafted by Star Trek, there are still flawed things and flawed people. And where there are flawed people, gossip and bullying are not far behind, simply because in a society where most things are curable or at least treatable, divergent individuals still exist and very much stand out.

Everyone’s natural instinct should be to love and help each other be their best selves because we are all the same in that we are human with a need for love, friendship, and a place where we can belong, but the easier instinct is to fear what is not easily understood and even persecute its existence. More often than not, unique individuals are left to struggle alone with very little or no support available to them because ‘typicals’ forget to care about the individuals who are hard to understand or accept.

Divergent individuals are sadly feared instead of appreciated for their unique natures and the blessings they can bring to this world. Elim Garak was one of those underappreciated individuals.

Garak was loyal to Cardassia, a place he considered home, even though it was a place where he was seen as not good enough. Life was hard on Garak, but he made the most of what he had and used his intellect and skill to survive. Yet, he was considered a divergent individual by his people simply because he couldn’t succeed at what he was expected to succeed at. His inability to live up to expectations led to his eventual exiling from Cardassia and his move to Deep Space Nine.

The station’s residents were unsure what to make of him and he wasn’t sure what they expected of him either, but they did strive to co-exist with each other. Garak was perfectly aware that the station’s residents thought him a spy planted on the station to serve as “the eyes for his people” and found comfort in playing the rumours up and thrived in doing so instead of focusing on how the rumours made him feel.

Perhaps Garak’s awkwardness is why he gravitated towards Julian Bashir so easily? Julian was very well aware of rumours surrounding his struggles and he continually struggled to find acceptance. Julian’s pain was real, and he covered his vulnerability with sheer arrogance to the point where he pushed many away, but Garak wasn’t fooled by it.

Julian and Garak stood apart from others in their individual worlds, yet they found solace in one another. Their unique friendship was not easily accepted nor understood by others, but it helped them both to become better individuals and better at walking their paths in life.

What happens, though, when people aren’t as lucky as Garak and Julian? What happens when those who try to find their place continually struggle to? Finding a place to belong is often a battle and it is a battle that people from every walk of life struggle with every day. More often than not, people who struggle to find their place in the world often fall prey to negative emotions and find comfort in them.

We shouldn’t take comfort in our suffering and sorrows. Yet we do it because we feel we are alone. We feel as if nobody cares and so we retreat to our cold little corner of the universe and suffer silently. We should not be afraid of reaching out to others for help when experiences forced upon us by others threaten our peaceful selves, yet we are.

Why? It does not help that indifference, and marginalization run rampant through the world as never-ending pandemics and society reacts to them with passionless apathy or deep hate. We should do what we can to be there for others when they need comfort and overlook quirks or differences.

Dr Julian Bashir’s words in Deep Space Nine’s Past Tense Part I are words we should all think about when we think about how we all have personal battles to fight and need to help one another succeed in enduring them, “Causing people to suffer because you hate them is terrible. But causing people to suffer because you have forgotten how to care, that’s really hard to understand.” Truly, we must not forget to care even though it may be hard for us to care.

Garak, Julian, and I actually have a lot in common in that we are very, very quirky people. I, like Julian, often talk too much and I also ask too many questions about everything, not fully aware of whether or not they might be appropriate. I find fascination with things that others might not; I bore others to tears with random spouts of information concerning things I alone might be passionate about; I get overly passionate about things to the point where it can get mistaken for being pushy or overbearing, and I am overly friendly to the point where it is horribly misinterpreted and leads to horrible social disasters for me.

I truly require a maddening amount of patience from others more often than not. Like Garak, I work to persevere when others tell me I should just give in to the low expectations others have of me. Life fascinates me, yet it also frustrates me because I feel like I am on an island constantly trying to build bridges of understanding between me and others, but I am the only one who wants to put in the work.

Because of my struggles, many have seen and treated me as a lost cause and that in turn has made me work very hard at treating people with dignity, respect, and love. I truly give Captain Sisko high praise for being the kind of Captain who didn’t let Julian’s divergency affect the high opinion he had of him as a person or an officer. Captain Sisko loved and cared for Julian just like he cared for all the rest of his crew. When Garak offered his talents to help Starfleet in the war against the Dominion, Sisko ignored the opinions of others and gave Garak the chance to prove himself; a choice he ultimately didn’t regret making.

When Julian was exposed as an Augment, it would have been all too easy for Sisko to simply throw him to the wolves and walk away with little thought as to what would happen to him, but he chose to stand by Julian instead. Sisko’s confidence in Julian prompted Julian to accept what he was and give his best in all that he did even though he knew not everyone agreed with what he was. Sisko didn’t allow the opinions of others to stop him from helping Julian and Garak reach their potential. He ignored rumours in favour of seeing them as individuals to be loved and not as problems to be solved.

Sadly, Julian and Garak often nitpicked at themselves far more than decent individuals should simply because others in their personal circles had done it to them enough and they weren’t strong enough to love themselves as they were. It’s not like I’m innocent of such a thing either, unfortunately. I too spent and still spend too many years in emotionally dark places simply because I just accepted that my existence was more of a burden than a blessing to those around me and to the world. Things are a lot better now, thankfully, but I remember those harder days simply so that I never return to those dark times should life ever get difficult again.

Regardless of what labels people have tried to slap on me over the years, I am simply a person who struggles with something beyond their control. I’m a person with hopes, dreams, fears, and rights. I continually work very hard at learning to stand on my own two feet because it is my right to do so. As I grow and learn how to better advocate for myself in situations, I share that I am a person with a disability in hopes that it might help foster understanding. I also share about how eager I am to belong, but not everyone believes that someone like me deserves to belong, and I often blame myself for that when I shouldn’t. How others see me is not my responsibility. My responsibility is to thrive as I am.

Perhaps my obsession with wanting to belong can be likened to Julian’s obsession with holodeck fantasies. He, like myself, works to find and have that space where he could feel safe and free to be authentic without fear of making anyone uncomfortable. I am still very much ‘Jules’ at times in a social sense, but I am also Julian in that I am an intellect and a deeply creative thinker. Those who can look beyond the quirks and see the beauty will certainly not regret investing patience and love into me. That being said, I always work to make things right when I have the ‘Jules’ moments and genuinely believe my efforts have meaning. Unfortunately, there are those out there who refuse to believe that I am truly not capable of progress no matter how hard I try.

Back in February 2021, I had a personal essay published on StarTrek.com titled, ‘IDIC Includes Me and That’s Why Star Trek Matters.’ In that essay, I shared that I have social disabilities and that I struggled to find my place from quite early on in my life. I am truly a marginalized person who is very often forgotten about, purposely shunned, or even outright mocked because it is easier for most to do that than to go outside their comfort zones and care about me. I want to be loved as I am, but it is just too hard for many to actually do it.

Like Julian and Garak, I continually seek acceptance and belonging, but I don’t often find it because people often find it hard to care about what they can’t easily understand. Hence, I am a social exile who often stands alone.

When I get ‘socially exiled’, I struggle with how to cope because being socially exiled is basically being thrown away like garbage and being seen as unworthy of being loved as I am or unworthy of thriving as I am. I admit I get too attached to people. I try not to be clingy, but social kindnesses are truly a rarity in my life and so I struggle with handling them properly. Others, however, think I’m just being clingy and annoying and respond quite horribly towards me for my ignorant behaviour instead of being kind. I’m sure the way others react to me is much like how others on Deep Space Nine sometimes reacted towards Julian when it came to socializing.

I don’t mean to be how I am, but I get cut off socially more often than not and it hurts. It feels similar to how Julian felt when he first found out he was an Augment at the tender age of 15 or how Garak felt when he was first exiled from Cardassia. I feel lost, alone, directionless, and wonder how I will pick up the pieces of my shattered hopes. I truly wish people had more compassion for me, but I cannot control others’ responses.

Examining Julian and Garak and reflecting on my life experiences has and is helping me learn to appreciate and wholeheartedly accept who I am as a person. There was a time where I was so desperate for social acceptance that I was always trying to pretend to be what I wasn’t, and it was very uncomfortable for me. Until he was exposed as an Augment, Julian was very much the same way and once he was exposed, he simply accepted his circumstance. I’ve come to the point where I can embrace my true self. I continually learn from my experiences and embrace what I learn as I move forward in my life.

When I ‘fail’ socially, I retreat into myself for a while before I gather the courage to try again in another social setting, but I do try again because I am never one to give up on myself. I also always grant forgiveness to those who show vitriol towards my divergent self and cause me harm, as it allows me to heal even if others don’t care to acknowledge the damage they’ve done when and how they exile me. I cannot control how people respond to how I am or whether or not they exile me from their circle, but I can move forward with quiet grace and look forward with faith to a better tomorrow.

If You Feel You Need To Seek Help Or Advice Please Head To: You Are Not Alone

Article written by – Heather Leigh Cameron (she/her)

Heather is a dual citizen of both Canada and the United States. She is a freelance writer who also happens to be neurodivergent and has a passion for writing, acting, video-making, playing the clarinet, and cooking. Her work can be found on www.facebook.com/heatherleighfreelancer and https://www.youtube.com/user/Chameleon77777

You can find Heather on Twitter & Instagram

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